| Lord...Test My Wife, Please!
Used by permission, from the Agnostic Review of Christianity website
Since the Bible God is advertised by Christians to be the only true source of wisdom, justice, and morality in the universe, it's only proper to examine what this "God" says about one of the major problems of our fallen human society.
The Bible God is declared the one true fountain of wisdom in the following:
But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.
The problem to be investigated is that of adultery and unfaithful spouses.
God is quite clear about what should be done if a man or woman is caught in adultery.
If a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband, then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel.
This is part of God's Holy Law and there are no exceptions to this rule. The evil must be purged.
[As an aside, it's interesting that God let one of his favorite pet humans (David), circumvent this law when he committed adultery with Bathsheba. God decided to let David dodge the death penalty and killed David's child instead of David. That story is found in (2 Sam chapter 12). By killing David's child instead of David, God violated another one of his own laws which states:
The fathers shall not be put to death for the children, neither shall the children be put to death for the fathers: every man shall be put to death for his own sin.
Jesus also thumbed his nose at his alleged Father's moral and holy Law of Deut 22:22 when he excused a women caught in the act of adultery and let her off with a warning in John 8:1-11. However, God who is also supposed to be Jesus, had no problem ordering a man killed because he picked up sticks on the Sabbath.
And while the children of Israel were in the wilderness, they found a man that gathered sticks upon the sabbath day.
And they that found him gathering sticks brought him unto Moses and Aaron, and unto all the congregation.
And they put him in ward, because it was not declared what should be done to him.
And the LORD said unto Moses, The man shall be surely put to death: all the congregation shall stone him with stones without the camp.
And all the congregation brought him without the camp, and stoned him with stones, and he died; as the LORD commanded Moses.
Apparently God practices ethics based on situation and not on absolute morality.
Such is the nature of the Bible and it's cast of holy characters.]
What does God say to someone who suspects their spouse of having an affair or of being unfaithful? What great wisdom does the holy and wise Creator of the Universe give to humans who have this particular situation in their lives?
Let's take a detailed look at the Word of God and see:
And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,
Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, If any man's wife go aside, and commit a trespass against him,
And a man lie with her carnally, and it be hid from the eyes of her husband, and be kept close, and she be defiled, and there be no witness against her, neither she be taken with the manner;
And the spirit of jealousy come upon him, and he be jealous of his wife, and she be defiled: or if the spirit of jealousy come upon him, and he be jealous of his wife, and she be not defiled:
If a husband simply suspects a wife of being unfaithful, he can subject her to this trial by ordeal to determine if she has really been unfaithful. Suspicion alone is sufficient to set this procedure in motion. This law is also only applied to women.
A woman can't demand the same trial if she suspects her husband of being unfaithful. Men could have multiple wives and concubines(sex slaves) so God has instituted a double standard here.
Then shall the man bring his wife unto the priest, and he shall bring her offering for her, the tenth part of an ephah of barley meal; he shall pour no oil upon it, nor put frankincense thereon; for it is an offering of jealousy, an offering of memorial, bringing iniquity to remembrance.
And the priest shall bring her near, and set her before the LORD:
And the priest shall take holy water in an earthen vessel; and of the dust that is in the floor of the tabernacle the priest shall take, and put it into the water:
The priest will concoct this magic potion which will help determine if the woman has been unfaithful. "Holy" water and dust from the floor are what the Bible God wants his female followers to drink in order to appease the suspicions of their husbands. Happy Hour anyone??
And the priest shall set the woman before the LORD, and uncover the woman's head, and put the offering of memorial in her hands, which is the jealousy offering: and the priest shall have in his hand the bitter water that causeth the curse:
And the priest shall charge her by an oath, and say unto the woman, If no man have lain with thee, and if thou hast not gone aside to uncleanness with another instead of thy husband, be thou free from this bitter water that causeth the curse:
But if thou hast gone aside to another instead of thy husband, and if thou be defiled, and some man have lain with thee beside thine husband:
Then the priest shall charge the woman with an oath of cursing, and the priest shall say unto the woman, The LORD make thee a curse and an oath among thy people, when the LORD doth make thy thigh to rot, and thy belly to swell;(any fetus will miscarry)
And this water that causeth the curse shall go into thy bowels, to make thy belly to swell, and thy thigh to rot: And the woman shall say, Amen, amen.
The woman who is suspected of being unfaithful must take an oath and drink the holy cocktail made of holy water and dust from the floor. If she is guilty, she will miscarry any fetus inside her, become infertile, and get sick. If she is innocent, drinking the water won't affect her.
This is called trial by ordeal. It's the same procedure that was used by the Spainish Inquisition, which was also doing the work of the Bible "God".
Are any bells and alarms going off yet?
And the priest shall write these curses in a book, and he shall blot them out with the bitter water:
And he shall cause the woman to drink the bitter water that causeth the curse: and the water that causeth the curse shall enter into her, and become bitter.
Then the priest shall take the jealousy offering out of the woman's hand, and shall wave the offering before the LORD, and offer it upon the altar:
And the priest shall take an handful of the offering, even the memorial thereof, and burn it upon the altar, and afterward shall cause the woman to drink the water.
And when he hath made her to drink the water, then it shall come to pass, that, if she be defiled, and have done trespass against her husband, that the water that causeth the curse shall enter into her, and become bitter, and her belly shall swell, and her thigh shall rot: and the woman shall be a curse among her people.
And if the woman be not defiled, but be clean; then she shall be free, and shall conceive seed.
The women is MADE to drink the potion.
If nothing happens to her, she was innocent. However, if she gets sick, she was guilty.
This is the way God does things and this is his Law.
This is the law of jealousies, when a wife goeth aside to another instead of her husband, and is defiled;
Or when the spirit of jealousy cometh upon him, and he be jealous over his wife, and shall set the woman before the LORD, and the priest shall execute upon her all this law.
Then shall the man be guiltless from iniquity, and this woman shall bear her iniquity.
This barbaric law can be imposed on any woman whose husband suspects her of being unfaithful.
Women have no recourse if they suspect their husband of being unfaithful.
This is the wisdom and Law of the Lord God Almighty, who Christians constantly chirp about as the source of all that is wise, just, righteous and holy in the universe.
This law is also in full effect according to Jesus himself.
For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled.
Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.
For I say unto you, That except your righteousness shall exceed the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, ye shall in no case enter into the kingdom of heaven.
This law (Num 5:11-31), like all of God's righteous laws, is to be revered and followed by those who want to worship and serve God.
Ye shall not add unto the word which I command you, neither shall ye diminish ought from it, that ye may keep the commandments of the LORD your God which I command you.
***You won't hear Christians talking about this law in their preaching or see it included in their sermons.
***You won't hear teenage fanatics for Jesus talking about this law.
***You won't hear Christian singers singing about this law.
***You won't hear about it in organized Bible study groups or at Christian seminars.
***You won't hear it from Christian missionaries who want to conquer the world for their God.
Yet, you will hear Christians saying that they give their praise to this God and spend most of their time serving him and doing his will. They say the Bible is the Word of God.
When a company makes claims about it's product which aren't true, it's called false advertising.
False and deceptive advertising is a disease among many fundamentalist Christians who make claims about their God that the Bible exposes as false.